Food avoidance at school and work......

These are things I've been doing to keep me from eating at school, I'm basically fasting food but allowing koolaid because I need the sugar to function. I am hypoglycemic and just found out so I need to have some sugar to remain at least partly functional.  I stopped drinking crystal light because of the sugar substitute. It's worth it to me to have the cals and avoid the memory loss.

I hope this is helpful! :)

1.       Leave your bank/check card at home or somewhere you can't get to it.

2.       Buy the koolaid singles and have that while you work/study or sit in class.

3.       Chew gum

4.       Surf thinspirational sites.

5.       Get an ed buddy and txt when you need support (I got the unlimited txting, this works for me)

6.       Keep some thinspirational quotes around for a little boost.

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for losong some weight this summer.

Today I'm going to clean and then do a cardio workout. Then I'm going to color my har red. I'm doing all of this because I need a change and as a reward

This week I found out my ex bf and good friend moved to Miami because he got a new job, and I'm feeling a little sad which I find surprising. I do have some feelings left for him which will probably always be , simply because he was my first love and first lover. But I still feel like it's somehow wrong to feel like this. Ether way I'm taking this week and I'm making myself over, I am finding the time to get a haircut, and go to the gym at least for the steam room and this weekend I'm dying my hair. I need a big change in my life and this is the perfect time to do it, like the saying goes "there's no time like the present." I'm also going shopping this weekend with Sarah a friend from work and I'm buying new makeup to go along with my new look. This is where the restriction comes in, I'm flat out fasting for a couple of days just because I'm a little bummed and I don't want to eat.

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Lauren found her dream laptop. Find the PC that's right for you.

I have had a total of 198 calories today and I feel a little euphoric and light headed but for the most part I’m doing well. This morning when I weighed myself I felt so relieved that I am a few pounds lighter, I have those numbers dancing around in my head all day and I keep thinking that every time I walk a little more and consume a little less calories than usual I am that much closer to losing all of this weight. I want to buy myself some sexier clothes for the fall and the only way I’m doing that is if I drop some serious poundage before August 31st. I think 40lbs would be a good start but of course I’m working to lose more than that.

Today....

I can’t believe it’s Monday already. This weekend felt too short to lie around and practically do nothing. Over the weekend I weighed myself for the first time in months and I’m slightly under what I thought I’d be, last night I took laxatives to help me get a head start on my continued restriction. I ate Mc Donald’s this weekend which is why I had to rush it out of me, I felt so huge after, I can’t believe how salty the fries were. Today I’m taking my new calorie counter book with me and I’m having a salad for lunch that I will take into the bathroom so I can’t measure it because honestly I hate having people watch me measure my lettuce. It makes me feel utterly ridicules, which is probably normal but ether way I’d like to avoid the whole thing.

Restriction foods.....

I’ve read on so many sites to wear baggy clothes but for those of you (us) who are not underweight, yet. I suggest you wear the clothes you normally do until they are baggy then go shopping for smaller sizes. The reason I mention this is that so many people who are living with parents and have never really been thin might have some criticism when it comes to what they’re wearing, meaning that they might make comments that you look like you’ve gained when in fact you haven’t.

On another note I had a comment asking me if coffee had any calories and it got me thinking that we really don’t have any restriction food lists on this blog. So I decided to make one. The following is what I personally sock up on when I’m restricting, but eventually everyone develops their own types of “restriction” foods.

Baby carrots ( 5 cals each)
Coffee (black has no sugar, obviously if you have sugar it will add calories but not much)
Tea
Vitamin water
Crystal light
Grapes
Grape fruit
Apples
Lettuce (7 cals a cup)

If you have any suggestions e mail them to me MusicalMia@live.com

Bulimia....

I am finally realizing the insanity of having an eating disorder. Last night I took laxatives and this morning since I couldn’t get out of having, so what is a girl to do? PURGE I can’t believe I resisted doing this for so long, I mean it’s been quite helpful when I’m in tough situations. I will admit that purging in public bathrooms is something I am still avoiding. I figured if the need is big enough I’ll do it but the idea of it scares me.
I’m saving up some cash for mid August so I can buy smaller clothes, even if they’re just a couple of sizes smaller. I am using that as motivation when I go shopping, I love having new clothes but hate having to try things on, it’s such a drag! Today I’m practically living on tea because it has no calories and keeps the hunger pains away.

Competition never hurt anyone, right?....

I have a friend at school who is very pretty and is quite chubby, now I don’t say fat because you can tell this weight gain is recent. Anyway, she’s also taking this summer to get back to who she was before the weight gain, I’m thinking this is great for me to have a little competition with someone I know. I am aware that it would be terrible to tell her of this which is why it will be my private competition. I find this to be a great motivator, which is why I’m perusing this crazy fasting/restricting thing with such determination. f

mini update....

Today went pretty well, I'm sorry I didn't have time to write anything until now. I decided to have one meal today because I was with family and we were celebrating some good news my mom got. Now I'm taking some laxatives now and headed to bed.

Tomorrow morning I have a busy day, I have work, then class, after which I have to warm up and then I go to my voice lesson after all of this running around I get to go back to work. Oh the fun never ends in my life, I'm grateful I have this job I'm just so damn tired.

I'm really exhausted.

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